Det. Vic Mackey

Det. Vic Mackey

Any connection between this man and being a police officer is purely contained in the badge he carries. That he would best be employed as a hit man for the various criminal organisations he has shafted would be ironic only if it wasn't basically what he was doing anyway. Nefarious, Machiavellian and borderline psychotic, you would keep him a few miles away as a friend and several thousand as an enemy.

Actually, though, the distinction of being either would probably be very much blurred in your pain-filled eyes, in the sense of the degree of nastiness he could inflict on you before the blessed relief of death took pity and snatched you away from his warped machinations. In the true spirit of 'the-end-justifies-the-means' logic, he has laid waste to countless people's lives and destroyed the reputations of many others, with his own rapacity as the ulterior motive.

Leader of a special experimental team in a section of the LAPD, you wouldn't be accused of outright cynicism if you opined that the experiment had failed. For if the idea of setting up this unit was to rid the LA district it patrols of the criminals it possesses and bringing in law and order, then it would score about a 9 for the former and, being generous, about 0.5 for the latter. That this is not an inconsiderable outcome as to the original remit of the Strike Team in which the word 'apprehend' got mis-read for 'annihilate', one can be in no doubt whatsoever, as their unorthodox policing methods have contributed to at least 80% of one and 20% of the other, no prizes for guessing which.

That the said team of four are certainly not musketeers, more like manic blunderbusses, cannot be refuted when one reflects that much of the crime on their patch has stemmed from their very own dark and dirty deeds, with outlaws gunning for revenge either on them or the criminals who they have stitched up to take the blame, whether by accident or design. Taking a pivotal role in all this is, of course, Mr Mackey.

Corrupt and brutal, Vic makes Robocop look like C-3PO, and while he could claim his method's were necessary in ultimately bringing the bad boys down, some of his actions would make Dirty Harry contact Internal Affairs. The profusion of his crimes are far too numerous and labyrinthine to mention here, but suffice it to say that virtually all of the Strike Team's shenanigans can be laid at his door. It was particularly rich, once, for him to say 'We've started...' when mentioning a war that he had started between rival drug cartels, but that was very much his ethos: sharing the shit and keeping the rewards solo. Murder, assault, torture, theft, blackmail, covering evidence, you name it he either did it or incited others to. Well, perhaps 'Buggery With Menaces' we can say he would have a strong case to deny, but that's about it.

That he's prepared to throw even his best friends to the wolves indicates that he would stop at nothing to outwit the numerous individuals and agencies that tried to bring him down over the years, and he basically succeeded. His final laugh in the face of justice, though, was confessing to his crimes and brokering a full immunity deal with Immigration & Customs Enforcement to bring a Mexican drugs baron to book. The bean spill, though, would implicate many of his former colleagues, particularly his last remaining 'friend' at that point, Ronnie Gardocki, who took the whole rap despite not even being with the Strike Team all of the time.

One may have felt a modicum of comeuppance when his new employers at I.C.E. vowed to make his time there as unpleasant as possible by taking him off the streets, not allowing him a firearm and, worst of all, making him wear a suit and tie, but it's hard to feel any moral satisfaction as his 'punishment' would include him having to write a ten-page report everyday whilst cooped-up in a cubicle. We don't even know if that's how this bloody tale ended, for the last we saw of him was leaving his 'office' tooled-up with a gun. One somehow felt that this Judge Dredd on speed would not be drawing a pension.

D.C.I. Gene Hunt

D.C.I. Gene Hunt

This larger than life character has become a legend in his own lunchtime for his no-holds barred bigoted seventies views on policing and attitude to life in general, which even the late Bernard Manning would describe as homophobic, racist, sexist and any other '-ist' you could possibly think of. True, his character is firmly a product of the pre-politically correct era, and indeed revels in it, to which, paradoxically he has gained immense popularity. It may be a sense of looking back on the bad old days and shaking one's head thinking 'Was it really like that?' and immediately realising that it was very much like that, and having no other recourse but to either squirm or laugh and thereby choosing the latter as being the less uncomfortable option, especially as one can tag the mirth as being ironic. His popularity amongst women is especially perplexing given his misogynistic nature, yet he exudes an air of safety and security of the 'He'll watch your back' variety. 

To say he is corrupt may seem, at first glance, to only add to his sins but this does need qualification. He can, and does, bend the law but purely to bring the bad guys to justice, never for personal gain or advancement. Perhaps it is this aspect of his otherwise iffy persona that appeals so much, as one always wishes for the right thing to be done no matter how bumpy the rocky road to the destination. He has threatened all sorts of abuses to extract confessions from various guilty miscreants ranging from broken fingers to a scrotal scrunch, and indeed, regards 'A sharp downward tug on the ball-sack usually does the trick' as one of his top tips for new recruits in his manual The Rules of Modern Policing - 1973 Edition. 

Whatever the rights and wrongs of his attitude to all things, there is no question that he generates a great deal of loyalty nay deference from his two immediate underlings, Chris Skelton and Ray Carlton, not so much from his two protagonists 'from the future' Sam Tyler and Alex Drake. Indeed, both regard him as a complete throwback and as the former would say ''An overweight, over-the-hill, nicotine-stained, borderline alcoholic homophobe with a superiority complex and an unhealthy obsession with male bonding.'' (Hunt: ''You make that sound like a bad thing.''). Whereas they value procedure and forensic detection, Gene's idea of police work can best be summed up by the following quotes:

''Anything you say will be taken down, ripped up and shoved down your scrawny little throat until you've choked to death. Gene Hunt, Chapter 1, Verse 2.''

''Counselling? He's a Police Officer not a fairy.''

''By the time I've finished, you'll be begging for a ferret to be nibbling on your nuts.''

''Gene Hunt smashes doors down, he does not pick girlie locks.''

To which the latter is a very definitive insight into the man's whole take on his job. He regards the sensibilities of Tyler and Drake as a bit namby-pamby and can't even tolerate basic covert surveillance: ''Wouldn't Nixon notice a van parked outside the Whitehouse?'' he asks nobody in particular, when they are all sitting in a transit with listening equipment, after being told by Sam of an impending scandal. As for any operation even remotely M.I.5. related, he has to abandon it and go in with all guns blazing: ''Don't move! Armed Bastards!'' 

Sam Tyler, from his perspective, finds all the goings-on completely irritating and can't really believe his eyes and ears: ''This place is like Guantanamo Bay.'' (Hunt: ''Give over, it's nothing like Spain.''). But, somehow, their diverse approach to detecting does tend to gel, and they do succeed in cracking the cases. 

From the very off you thought the man was immortal, and that is exactly what he is. They all are. Near the end, when partnering Drake, it is revealed that he is a sort of 'angel' there to help dead police officers move on from limbo to get to 'heaven', or The Railway Arms pub as it is incarnated in these stories. You always knew he was a good 'un really. 

The best conclusion of this character must be left to his arch-sidekick Sam Tyler, after one of his delusional episodes:

''Listen you, I can just about handle you driving like a pissed-up crackhead and treating women like bin bags, but I'm going to say this once and once only, Gene. Stay Out of Camberwick Green!''